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- Arj Barker
- ... a little about myself ... Sex: Male ... a little more about myself ... Name: Arj Barker Legal Name: Ricky Schroeder Age: 28 (as far as you know) Date of Birth: Do the math Place of birth: Vagina...Read on
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I was actually in my car today, and I was just driving, and I noticed a guy on the sidewalk holding a cardboard sign that said, 'Where will you spend eternity?'. And that kind of freaked me out because I was on my way to the DMV.
Can you imagine if you had a pair of shoes that you could only walk in? That could be kind of limiting under certain circumstances. 'Everybody get outta here! There's a swarm of bees coming!' What? Oh great, I got my walking shoes on today. I guess I better stroll the hell out of here at a moderate pace.
They got a restaurant called Hungry Jack's, but I didn't feel comfortable eating there. How good could it be? The guy who owns the restaurant is hungry. If it was called Fat Happy F**king Well-Contented Jack's, I'd eat there. But I wouldn't bring...
For years and years, Arj Barker was high on life, but eventually, I built up a tolerance.
- Arj Barker - Interview(2:14)
- Arj Barker
- Arj Barker doesn't understand his friends who'd rather hang out with their babies.
- Videos Tagged: interview (2828), Internet (319), Arj Barker (21), 4th of July (16)
- Arj Barker - Mile High Club(1:44)
- Arj Barker
- Arj Barker joins a subsection of the mile high club.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), sex (1283), dating (656), Arj Barker (21)
- Arj Barker - Getting Online(2:43)
- Arj Barker
- Arj Barker learns you need more than just a computer to get online.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), technology (348), Internet (319), Arj Barker (21)
- Arj Barker - Cryptic Car(2:22)
- Arj Barker
- Arj Barker feels good about working on his cryptic car.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), physical humor (203), transportation (87), Arj Barker (21)
Anybody see 'Cop Land'? I went to go see it, but I got stoned in the parking lot. And then on the way in, I read the marquee, and I got paranoid and went home.
I'm in love with a philosophy major, and she doesn't even know I exist -- and worse, she can prove it.
I know that most domesticated animals aren't indigenous to this country. So guess what, cat? You can beat it. Go back to Catalina Island or Catalonia, Spain, or Katmandu, or wherever the hell your hairy ass is from! 'Cause this is America and around here - Katmandon't.
Nobody can ever learn our military's secrets -- unless, you know, they happen to have the Discovery Channel. Then, it's pretty easy, just tune in for a few minutes.
I'm thinking of switching banks, and my friend said, 'Well, what's wrong with Citibank?' Well, they can't spell 'city.' I hope their math is better than their English is.
There are so many types of shoes. There's so many categories, and I really have no idea what type of shoe I need at any given time. And I go in there -- I find it a little bit overwhelming. 'Welcome to the shoe store! What are you looking for? Are...
Now I have a fax machine. I never had one before, and I might have to admit, I'm excited to use it. But the problem is, I don't really have anything to fax. I mean, take a good look at me. Do I look like I have any documents that need to be somewhere in a hurry?
Google is ridiculous. Everyone uses Google, and that's why Google has such an attitude. Because it's so popular, it's conceited. I mean, it has a serious attitude. Have you tried misspelling something lately? See the tone that it takes? 'Um, did you mean...?'
She picked me up in her car because I was traveling by bus, and I thought it would be a lot easier for her to pick me up in her car than for me to convince Greyhound to reroute the bus to go by her house. The paperwork alone -- logistical nightmare.
She said I was moving too fast... I think it was a nice gesture to give her flowers on the first date. Perhaps the 'Bless This Family' plaque could have waited.
I'm coming back. And when I get back, then we'll be together forever -- forever and ever and ever -- until death. Even beyond -- beyond death: two souls enmesh as one soul! One soul floating for all of eternity in the great abyss, the aftermath,...
You don't just get a computer to get online. You gotta get other stuff. You better get a modem, or you're not getting on anything. You gotta get a monitor, that's what I found out. You gotta get a mouse. You gotta get a mouse pad. You gotta get a sperm guard for your keyboard.
