Tony Woods Jokes
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Tony Woods: Goldilocks
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I like the fairy tales.
Some of them don't fit, though, like 'The Three Bears.' That's not cool because it wouldn't work with a different person in it besides Goldilocks... 'Cause Goldilocks, she breaks into these people's houses. I mean, she comes into the bears' house -- she walks into the yard, into the house. Then, she's in the house; she's eating their porridge. She's like, 'Ew, this is too hot.' Bitch, this ain't your food!
Dane Cook - Kool-Aid Commercial
Dane Cook was a responsible kid.
Tags: Dane Cook (42), kids (841), food (804)
Posted: 11/03/04
Views: 20,345
Mark Roberts - Cub Scout Reserves
The president makes the call.
Tags: Mark Roberts (5), kids (841), food (804)
Posted: 02/24/92
Views: 490
Robbie Printz - Cookie Problems
When you're a kid, the biggest problem you have is trying to get a cookie.
Tags: Robbie Printz (3), kids (841), food (804)
Posted: 06/06/97
Views: 180
Arj Barker - Horrible Halloween
Razor blades in candy does not make financial sense.
Tags: Arj Barker (21), Comedy Central Presents (1821), health (976)
Posted: 03/30/06
Views: 2,444
Bob Marley - Boone's Farm
Bob drank Boone's Farm and ate three cheeseburgers and a Filet-O-Fish.
Tags: Bob Marley (14), Comedy Central Presents (1821), kids (841)
Posted: 02/01/07
Views: 787
Len Austrevich - Grandma
Grandmothers make furniture look better with doilies.
Tags: Len Austrevich (3), kids (841), food (804)
Posted: 02/24/92
Views: 455
Dana Gould - Eating Out With the Family
If anyone spills anything, Dad will stick a fork right in your eyeball.
Tags: Dana Gould (16), kids (841), food (804)
Posted: 02/24/92
Views: 572
Byron Yee - Growing Up in Oklahoma
When people saw a Chinese kid, they assumed it had something to do with take-out.
Tags: Byron Yee (2), kids (841), ethnic (814)
Posted: 05/26/93
Views: 669
Jesse Popp - Specific Horoscopes
Edgar Allen Poe is alive and doing infomercials.
Tags: Jesse Popp (1), money (865), kids (841)
Posted: 10/25/02
Views: 234
Keith Robinson - The Human Statue
Usually when you hear a knock at your door, it's best to pretend you're not there.
Tags: Keith Robinson (15), Comedy Central Presents (1821), kids (841)
Posted: 06/02/05
Views: 610
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