Life is so hard -- don't you ever just want to give up?
Kevin Meaney tried phone sex once.
There's nothing worse than a chatterbox friend in a movie theater.
Ever seen a guy who thinks he's in lingerie?
There are rules to text messaging.
Hugh Fink always seems to get the sarcastic Chinese waiter.
If you lose a fight to a midget, you become one.
Becky's mom doesn't know how to hang up the phone.
In most jobs, you've got to be computer literate.
Talk about a star-spangled boner.
Q: What is the difference between sex and computers?
A:
With computers, the software goes into the hardware. With sex, the hardware goes...
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I tried phone sex once. I did. I'll be honest with you -- I got
my penis stuck in the nine.
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You don't just get a computer to get online. You gotta get
other stuff. You better get a modem, or you're not getting on anything. You gotta get a...
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I tried to go on the Internet. I figured, you gotta be safe
there, can't run into any problems on the Internet. I went on one of them sex sites,...
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She wants to have cybersex, which if you don't know what
cybersex is, it's like phone sex but with the keyboard. It's just a new level of sad.
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I've been on the road a long time. I haven't really had the
chance to see my girlfriend. She called me up; she wanted us to have phone sex. I'm not...
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Nothing says 'Friday night at home alone' like a calculator
watch. 'How long has it been since I've gotten laid? Let me calculate.'
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My phone rings -- my home phone -- and I don't answer it. Half
a second later, my cell phone goes off. It's like, what part of 'I'm masturbating'...
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At some point, the computer industry decided if you have an
e-mail address, you must have some kind of penis problem.
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I got a vibrator that needed two nine volt batteries. What am I
-- R2D2? I don't know what to do with that.
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