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Technology Jokes
Bill Gates in Hell
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technology
Bill Gates goes to purgatory.

St. Peter says, "Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things. Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go".

First, St. Peter shows Bill an image of Hell with beautiful women running on beaches. Then, St Peter shows Bill an image of Heaven with robed angels playing harps on clouds.

Bill chooses Hell.

About a week later, St. Peter checks in on Bill in Hell and finds him being whipped by demons.

Bill says to St. Peter, "What happened to all the beautiful women and the beaches?"

St. Peter replies, "That was just the screen saver."
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Filed Under: technology (329),  death (164)
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Posted: 12/01/08

Dane Cook - Deleting the Numbers

Dane finally decides to delete his mother's number from his phone.

Tags: Dane Cook (34), health (519), parents (446)

Posted: 05/17/09
Views: 36,326

Kevin Nealon - Self Improvement

Kevin Nealon buys computers for dummies.

Tags: Kevin Nealon (7), Comedy Central Presents (1779), food (494)

Posted: 05/28/99
Views: 1,036

Kevin Kataoka - Throwing a Tantrum

A tantrum can help adults win arguments.

Tags: Kevin Kataoka (5), kids (597), money (445)

Posted: 05/25/93
Views: 374

Margaret Cho - Jobs

Margaret used to work at an S&M store.

Tags: Margaret Cho (4), sex (905), dating (611)

Posted: 05/24/93
Views: 1,132

Dan Mintz - Japanese Samurai Armor

Dan Mintz thought he lost his 14th century Japanese samurai armor.

Tags: Dan Mintz (2), sex (905), Premium Blend (749)

Posted: 03/03/05
Views: 2,281

Dane Cook - Internet Hate

Dane learns to filter the negativity.

Tags: Dane Cook (34), parents (446), death (192)

Posted: 05/17/09
Views: 26,649

Rob Weinstein - Food

The scariest dinner food possible is Hamburger Helper.

Tags: Rob Weinstein (2), sex (905), men/women (839)

Posted: 05/20/93
Views: 124

Johnny Steele - Drive-Up Window

Imagine trying to explain a drive-up window to someone from a third world country.

Tags: Johnny Steele (4), The A-List (490), TV (367)

Posted: 02/24/92
Views: 235

Roy Wood Jr. - Sucking at Relationships

Roy Wood Jr. sucks at relationships.

Tags: Premium Blend (749), dating (611)

Posted: 11/10/05
Views: 966

Janeane Garofalo - Hell

Hell is being sentenced to the StairMaster.

Tags: Janeane Garofalo (4), death (192), Shorties Watchin' Shorties (149)

Posted: 05/25/04
Views: 790

 

Christian Finnegan: Last Website

Do you guys remember that woman who disappeared a few years ago, Chandra Levy? Do you remember her? I found this fascinating. Apparently, the day...  
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Posted 10/30/2008
Tags:  technology (329),  death (164),  Christian Finnegan (10)

Check the E-mail Address

A few days after her husband's death, a grieving widow accidentally receives an e-mail from a man waiting for his wife in Miami.

The e-mail...  
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Posted 12/01/2008
Tags:  technology (329),  travel (276),  death (164)

Rene Hicks: On Dr. Kevorkian

All he has to do is take that machine, hook it up to the Clapper, and let those people clap themselves to death. They clap on, but they don't clap...  
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Posted 11/03/2008
Tags:  news & politics (685),  technology (329),  death (164)

Robot Booty Call...Angel

Am I dead, Angel? Because this must be Heaven. Of course, I am a machine and therefore do not experience death.
 
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Posted 12/01/2008
Tags:  booty call (580),  technology (329),  death (164)

Dan Mintz: Pulling the Plug

Today was a sad day. We had to pull the plug on my grandmother 'cause I needed the outlet for my laptop.  
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Posted 10/30/2008
Tags:  family (344),  technology (329),  aging (217)

Paul Provenza: Cryonics

We're in denial about death. It's unbelievable. Did you ever see these people? It's called cryonics. They have themselves frozen so they can be...  
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Posted 10/30/2008
Tags:  health (791),  money (391),  family (344)

What They Say at Your Funeral

Three friends die in a car accident and attend an orientation in Heaven. An angel asks, "When you are in your casket and your friends and family...  
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Posted 12/01/2008
Tags:  death (164)

Last Musical Request

The inmate on death row is scheduled to be put to death by firing squad. He doesn't request a last meal or anything special for his last...  
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Posted 12/01/2008
Tags:  death (164)

An Odd Tale

There once was a boy named "Odd."

People made fun of him because of his name, so he decided to keep his gravestone blank when he...  
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Posted 12/01/2008
Tags:  death (164)

What Not to Say at a Funeral

-- I'm not convinced. I'm going to go give her a good shaking?
-- I'm sure we'll all be laughing about this in no time!
-- It's funny -- we...  
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Posted 12/01/2008
Tags:  death (164)
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