If you went back in time to 1999, the ten-years-ago you would not believe how cool things are today.
If you were a fan of 80s metal videos, you were, apparently, gay.
Porn spam is fine as long as it's spell checked.
If you lose a fight to a midget, you become one.
There's nothing worse than seeing a comedian in love.
Winos drink because it's Tuesday.
Patton hates George W. Bush and hippies.
Jet Blue understands how horrible air travel is, so they shove distractions down your throat.
Patton Oswalt doesn't feel as angry as he used to.
Sometimes you just need a cigarette.
