Patton Oswalt Jokes
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Patton Oswalt: The Apocalypse
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We're probably going to die
in the f**king apocalypse, but you know what's kind of exciting about that is that if the apocalypse actually goes down -- and I mean the f**king biblical apocalypse -- and if that starts to happen -- I mean, like, the ground opening up and demons flying out and gnawing on your flesh -- it means a couple of things. One: It means that I'm wrong, and there is God and there is an afterlife. Two: It means that since there is an afterlife, you will be in the f**king VIP section of the afterlife.
Patton Oswalt - The Apocalypse
George W. Bush wants to be the last president.
Tags: Patton Oswalt (33), George W. Bush (2037), religion (776)
Posted: 12/04/04
Views: 6,412
Patton Oswalt - VIP Afterlife
Dying in the apocalypse would be pretty awesome.
Tags: Patton Oswalt (33), religion (776), death (318)
Posted: 06/01/04
Views: 2,915
Patton Oswalt - I Married Jesus
Patton Oswalt's proposed TV show is a mix of New Testament, "Bewitched" and "Seinfeld."
Tags: Patton Oswalt (33), religion (776), TV (543)
Posted: 06/20/97
Views: 1,221
DVD Exclusive - Patton Oswalt - Jet Blue
Jet Blue understands how horrible air travel is, so they shove distractions down your throat.
Tags: Patton Oswalt (33), death (318), storyteller (263)
Posted: 07/06/09
Views: 22,214
Patton Oswalt - The Big 9-0
If you live to be 90, you get a very special birthday present.
Tags: Patton Oswalt (33), Live at Gotham (332), death (318)
Posted: 08/03/06
Views: 9,580
Patton Oswalt - Obituaries
Most obituary writers must be failed PR people.
Tags: Patton Oswalt (33), Comedy Central Presents (1821), food (804)
Posted: 09/03/99
Views: 1,574
Patton Oswalt - In Love
There's nothing worse than seeing a comedian in love.
Tags: Patton Oswalt (33), George W. Bush (2037), sex (1283)
Posted: 12/04/04
Views: 6,567
Anthony Clark - Heaven's Gate Suicide Cult
The Heaven's Gate suicide cult was one shoe endorsement the people at Nike never saw coming.
Tags: Anthony Clark (8), religion (776), death (318)
Posted: 05/23/97
Views: 144
Anthony Clark - Heaven's Gate Suicide Cult
The Heaven's Gate suicide cult was one shoe endorsement the people at Nike never saw coming.
Tags: Anthony Clark (8), religion (776), death (318)
Posted: 05/23/97
Views: 1,108
Patton Oswalt - Dr. Pepper
Dr. Pepper intermittently tells the tale of his roommate's car.
Tags: Patton Oswalt (33), money (865), food (804)
Posted: 12/04/04
Views: 14,496
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