Patton Oswalt Jokes
|
Patton Oswalt: Suicide Pinata
|
Get another Patton Oswalt Joke » |
If I ever commit suicide,
here's what I plan to do -- you can use this -- I'm gonna fling myself off the top of a skyscraper, but before I do, I'm gonna stuff my pockets with candy and gum. That way, when I smack into the sidewalk, I'll burst like this big, human pinata. That way, the on-lookers who walk up, they can go, 'Oh man, he really must have been depressed -- oh, Snickers! Alright!'
Patton Oswalt - Obituaries
Most obituary writers must be failed PR people.
Tags: Patton Oswalt (33), Comedy Central Presents (1821), food (804)
Posted: 09/03/99
Views: 1,583
DVD Exclusive - Patton Oswalt - Jet Blue
Jet Blue understands how horrible air travel is, so they shove distractions down your throat.
Tags: Patton Oswalt (33), death (318), storyteller (263)
Posted: 07/06/09
Views: 22,228
Patton Oswalt - The Big 9-0
If you live to be 90, you get a very special birthday present.
Tags: Patton Oswalt (33), Live at Gotham (332), death (318)
Posted: 08/03/06
Views: 9,590
Patton Oswalt - The Apocalypse
George W. Bush wants to be the last president.
Tags: Patton Oswalt (33), George W. Bush (2037), religion (776)
Posted: 12/04/04
Views: 6,419
Patton Oswalt - VIP Afterlife
Dying in the apocalypse would be pretty awesome.
Tags: Patton Oswalt (33), religion (776), death (318)
Posted: 06/01/04
Views: 2,923
Patton Oswalt - Facts About Midgets
If you lose a fight to a midget, you become one.
Tags: Patton Oswalt (33), sex (1283), ethnic (814)
Posted: 12/04/04
Views: 6,616
Patton Oswalt - I Married Jesus
Patton Oswalt's proposed TV show is a mix of New Testament, "Bewitched" and "Seinfeld."
Tags: Patton Oswalt (33), religion (776), TV (543)
Posted: 06/20/97
Views: 1,222
Patton Oswalt - In Love
There's nothing worse than seeing a comedian in love.
Tags: Patton Oswalt (33), George W. Bush (2037), sex (1283)
Posted: 12/04/04
Views: 6,573
Richard Jeni - Red Lobster
A cow pleads for his life.
Tags: Richard Jeni (10), food (804), alcohol (496)
Posted: 04/27/04
Views: 1,884
Patton Oswalt - Reality
Reality runs out at 4:30 tomorrow afternoon.
Tags: Patton Oswalt (33), money (865), food (804)
Posted: 12/04/04
Views: 2,277
Looking for something else?
