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Women's English
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Get another Men/Women Joke » |
"Yes" = No
"No"
= Yes"Maybe" = No
"I'm sorry" = You'll be sorry
"We need" = I want
"It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now
"Sure... go ahead" = I don't want you to
"I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
"We need to talk" = I need to complain
"You're certainly attentive tonight" = Is sex all you ever think about?
"Be romantic, turn out the lights" = I have flabby thighs
"This kitchen is so inconvenient" = I want a new house
"I want new curtains" = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...
"I heard a noise" = I noticed you were almost asleep
"Do you love me?" = I'm going to ask for something expensive
"How much do you love me?" = I did something today you're really not going to like
"I'll be ready in a minute" = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
"Is my butt fat?" = Lie to me
"You have to learn to communicate" = Just agree with me
"Are you listening to me!?" = [Too late, you're dead]
"Do what you want." = You'll pay for this later
Greg Behrendt - Unsexy Animal Noises
If you're going to make an animal sound during sex, you should probably practice it first.
Tags: Greg Behrendt (28), sex (1269), men/women (987)
Posted: 11/06/09
Views: 3,767
Greg Behrendt - Relationships
What does Greg know about getting into relationships? He wrote two books about getting out of them.
Tags: Greg Behrendt (28), sex (1269), men/women (987)
Posted: 11/06/09
Views: 104
Bill Engvall - The Club
Going to a club is no fun when you're fifty, out of touch and completely out of your element.
Tags: Bill Engvall (16), men/women (987), music (710)
Posted: 11/22/09
Views: 939
Greg Giraldo - 9/11 Bachelorettes
Greg explains how bachelorette parties prove that they'll never change the American way of life.
Tags: Greg Giraldo (41), men/women (987), America (446)
Posted: 08/16/09
Views: 55,581
Greg Giraldo - Obama's Cigarettes
Barack Obama had to ask his wife's permission to run for president? Really?
Tags: Greg Giraldo (41), men/women (987), Barack Obama (963)
Posted: 08/16/09
Views: 43,648
Greg Behrendt - The Zen of Flying
You have to be very Zen about flying, because sometimes your flight is canceled. And other times your airline is canceled.
Tags: Greg Behrendt (28), men/women (987), food (790)
Posted: 11/06/09
Views: 1,773
Bill Engvall - Fifties
The best part about getting older is that the older you get, the more people think they have to listen to you.
Tags: Bill Engvall (16), men/women (987), money (852)
Posted: 11/22/09
Views: 1,186
Greg Giraldo - Pride
Greg Giraldo highlights some of the positive aspects of the Puerto Rican Day parade.
Tags: Greg Giraldo (41), men/women (987), ethnic (813)
Posted: 08/16/09
Views: 10,612
Patton Oswalt - Pioneer Births
Patton explains what pioneer women were dreaming of while giving birth in the wilderness.
Tags: Patton Oswalt (32), men/women (987), kids (828)
Posted: 07/06/09
Views: 30,954
Lewis Black - Fan Mail Pt. 5
Lewis imagines eating Marie Antoinette.
Tags: Lewis Black (318), interview (2793), sex (1269)
Posted: 08/06/08
Views: 3,545
