If you're flammable and have legs, you're never blocking a fire exit.
People are selfish.
Mitch Hedberg likes to eat.
Making instant oatmeal feels unproductive.
It's as hard to quit smoking as it is to start flossing.
Wearing a turtleneck is like getting strangled by a really weak guy all day.
Ducks eat for free at Subway.
Mitch Hedberg is inspired by his yogurt.
Nicknames are never sincere.
Gene is not letting anyone ahead of him in the grocery line.
