Flying Jokes
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Parachute Jump
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The sergeant gives instructions: "After you jump out of the plane, count slowly to 10. Your parachute will automatically open. If it doesn't, pull the emergency cord. When you get to the drop zone, there'll be trucks waiting to take you back to the base. Move out!"
As scared as they are, they all make it out the door.
The last recruit jumps out and slowly counts to 10 -- nothing. He frantically fumbles around and finds the emergency handle. He jerks on the cord, and it comes off in his hand.
Raising his head to the heavens, he screams, "I bet them trucks ain't waiting either!!"
Brian Regan - Flying
Flights are never delayed for good reasons.
Tags: Brian Regan (51), money (865), imitations (772)
Posted: 06/09/07
Views: 4,910
Steve McGrew - Rebuild
God hates mobile homes.
Tags: Steve McGrew (9), Comedy Central Presents (1821), imitations (772)
Posted: 09/24/04
Views: 3,173
Steve Marmel - John F. Kennedy Jr.
Every time a Kennedy dies, a comic gets his wings.
Tags: Steve Marmel (7), Comedy Central Presents (1821), media (651)
Posted: 05/15/00
Views: 204
Bill Kelley - Rough Day
The airport is an expensive place to eat.
Tags: Bill Kelley (1), sex (1283), family (667)
Posted: 05/23/93
Views: 304
Greg Behrendt - Airport Idiots
The airport idiot is the guy who dresses like the destination to which he's going.
Tags: Greg Behrendt (28), animals (791), music (727)
Posted: 11/06/09
Views: 6,744
DVD Exclusive - Patton Oswalt - Jet Blue
Jet Blue understands how horrible air travel is, so they shove distractions down your throat.
Tags: Patton Oswalt (33), death (318), storyteller (263)
Posted: 07/06/09
Views: 22,228
Paul Provenza - In Case of an Emergency
Dead passengers may also be used as flotation devices.
Tags: Paul Provenza (15), flying (181), dark (83)
Posted: 03/03/96
Views: 297
Paul F. Tompkins - Daylight Saving Time
It's an hour. That's it. It's not that hard to get used to.
Tags: Paul F. Tompkins (22), imitations (772), Premium Blend (750)
Posted: 09/04/98
Views: 2,608
Brian Haley - Miniature Pillows
Brian requests miniature pillows.
Tags: Brian Haley (3), The A-List (491), flying (181)
Posted: 02/24/92
Views: 272
Tony Stone - Brave Pilots
Pilots must be the bravest people on the planet.
Tags: Tony Stone (2), travel (310), Two Drink Minimum (293)
Posted: 05/30/94
Views: 755
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