Flying Jokes
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Parachute Jump
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The sergeant gives instructions: "After you jump out of the plane, count slowly to 10. Your parachute will automatically open. If it doesn't, pull the emergency cord. When you get to the drop zone, there'll be trucks waiting to take you back to the base. Move out!"
As scared as they are, they all make it out the door.
The last recruit jumps out and slowly counts to 10 -- nothing. He frantically fumbles around and finds the emergency handle. He jerks on the cord, and it comes off in his hand.
Raising his head to the heavens, he screams, "I bet them trucks ain't waiting either!!"
Brian Regan - Flying
Flights are never delayed for good reasons.
Tags: Brian Regan (51), money (865), imitations (772)
Posted: 06/09/07
Views: 4,906
Steve McGrew - Rebuild
God hates mobile homes.
Tags: Steve McGrew (9), Comedy Central Presents (1821), imitations (772)
Posted: 09/24/04
Views: 3,169
Greg Behrendt - Airport Idiots
The airport idiot is the guy who dresses like the destination to which he's going.
Tags: Greg Behrendt (28), animals (791), music (727)
Posted: 11/06/09
Views: 6,742
Bill Kelley - Rough Day
The airport is an expensive place to eat.
Tags: Bill Kelley (1), sex (1283), family (667)
Posted: 05/23/93
Views: 304
Steve Marmel - John F. Kennedy Jr.
Every time a Kennedy dies, a comic gets his wings.
Tags: Steve Marmel (7), Comedy Central Presents (1821), media (651)
Posted: 05/15/00
Views: 204
DVD Exclusive - Patton Oswalt - Jet Blue
Jet Blue understands how horrible air travel is, so they shove distractions down your throat.
Tags: Patton Oswalt (33), death (318), storyteller (263)
Posted: 07/06/09
Views: 22,227
Brian Haley - Miniature Pillows
Brian requests miniature pillows.
Tags: Brian Haley (3), The A-List (491), flying (181)
Posted: 02/24/92
Views: 272
Tony Stone - Brave Pilots
Pilots must be the bravest people on the planet.
Tags: Tony Stone (2), travel (310), Two Drink Minimum (293)
Posted: 05/30/94
Views: 755
Jake Johannsen - Airport Escort
Once Jake gets off the plane, he's like a puppy waiting at the animal shelter.
Tags: Jake Johannsen (38), Two Drink Minimum (293), mental health (221)
Posted: 05/20/93
Views: 1,534
Ron Lynch - Broken Intercom
Flying is weird when the intercom doesn't work.
Tags: Ron Lynch (3), kids (841), Two Drink Minimum (293)
Posted: 05/20/93
Views: 992
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