Animals Jokes
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The Vet Bill
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The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat. The cat sniffs the body and meows. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead, too."
The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.
The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body and barks. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead, too."
The man finally resigns to the diagnosis and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650."
"$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaims the man.
"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 is for the cat scan and lab tests."
Jeff Stilson - Vet Bills
Fluffy might be cute, but he's not getting a liver transplant.
Tags: Jeff Stilson (16), health (657), money (606)
Posted: 02/24/92
Views: 858
Ron White - Vegetarians
Vegetarians should shut up.
Tags: Ron White (19), Comedy Central Presents (2172), food (719)
Posted: 05/08/03
Views: 46,965
Mark Pitta - Back in 1981
If bands can do their greatest hits, so can comedians.
Tags: Mark Pitta (5), sex (1202), Premium Blend (748)
Posted: 09/04/98
Views: 650
Karen Kilgariff - Shark Cartilage
Unfortunately, shark cartilage does not turn you into a shark.
Tags: Karen Kilgariff (2), Premium Blend (748), health (657)
Posted: 12/05/97
Views: 2,663
Pete Holmes - Dollar Store
Pete Holmes gets freaked out by his wife.
Tags: Pete Holmes (29), Premium Blend (748), health (657)
Posted: 11/17/05
Views: 5,625
Anita Wise - Health
Everyone watches you when you exercise at a health club.
Tags: Anita Wise (3), health (657), money (606)
Posted: 05/30/94
Views: 2,268
Shane Mauss - Passenger-Side Airbag
If anyone complains about my driving, I turn off their airbag.
Tags: Shane Mauss (23), health (657), animals (540)
Posted: 06/20/08
Views: 14,645
Jeff Stilson - Squirrels
Rats are just a bushy tail away from being a squirrel.
Tags: Jeff Stilson (16), food (719), health (657)
Posted: 02/24/92
Views: 1,532
Rob Huebel - Started Out Offensive
Good thing they decided to call them Honey Nut Cheerios and not Teeny Tiny Buttholes.
Tags: food (719), health (657)
Posted: 11/12/10
Views: 0
Tracy Smith - Last Woman on Earth
Tracy's high heels are proof that she doesn't hate men.
Tags: Tracy Smith (12), Comedy Central Presents (2172), sex (1202)
Posted: 08/21/03
Views: 3,391
