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America Jokes
America
Alabama: At Least We're Not Mississippi

Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't be Wrong!

Arizona: But It's a Dry Heat

Arkansas: Litterasy Ain't Everthing

California: As Seen on TV

Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother

Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character

Delaware: We Really Do Like the Chemicals in Our Water

Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids

Georgia: Without Atlanta We're Alabama

Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru
(Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)

Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes... OK, Maybe Not, But The Potatoes Are Real Good

Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"

Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn

Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States

Kentucky: 5 Million People; Seven Last Names

Louisiana: We're Not All Drunk Cajuns

Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster

Maryland: A Thinking Man's Delaware

Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's

Michigan: First Line of Defense From the Canadians

Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes and 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes

Mississippi: Come Feel Better About Your Own State

Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars at Work

Montana: Land of the Big Sky, the Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies and Very Little Else

Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest

Nevada: Whores and Poker!

New Hampshire: Go Away and Leave Us Alone

New Jersey: You Want a F**kin' Motto? I Got Yer F**kin' Motto Right Here!

New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets

New York: You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have the Right to an Attorney...

North Carolina: Tobacco is a Vegetable

North Dakota: We Really are One of the 50 States!

Ohio: We Wish We Were In Michigan

Oklahoma: Like the Play, Only No Singing

Oregon: Spotted Owl -- It's What's For Dinner

Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal

Rhode Island: We're Not Really An Island

South Carolina: We Have Never Actually Surrendered to the North

South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota

Tennessee: The Educashun State

Texas: A Whole 'Nother Country!

Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

Vermont: Yep

Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?

Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds and Slackers!

Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?

West Virginia: One Big Happy Family -- Really!

Wisconsin: Come Cut Our Cheese

Wyoming: Wynot?
Filed Under: America (72)
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Posted: 12/01/08

We Got The Best

USA, brother, USA!

Tags: Carlos Mencia (52), America (446),

Posted: 06/24/02
Views: 8,042

Greg Giraldo - 9/11 Bachelorettes

Greg explains how bachelorette parties prove that they'll never change the American way of life.

Tags: Greg Giraldo (41), men/women (1003), America (446)

Posted: 08/16/09
Views: 55,954

Patton Oswalt - God Bless America

War reporters hate mayonnaise on their sandwiches.

Tags: Patton Oswalt (33), Iraq (1073), media (651)

Posted: 11/03/04
Views: 3,270

Harland Williams - Finding Germany on a Map

It shouldn't be a problem that most Americans can't find Germany on the map.

Tags: Harland Williams (35), America (446), history (293)

Posted: 02/21/00
Views: 1,234

Greg Giraldo - Dumb Country

America is getting dumber all the time, especially compared to Europe.

Tags: Greg Giraldo (41), Comedy Central Presents (1821), America (446)

Posted: 08/08/00
Views: 2,951

Johnny Sanchez - All-American

Johnny Sanchez feels more all-American than he looks.

Tags: Johnny Sanchez (12), Comedy Central Presents (1821), ethnic (814)

Posted: 08/31/00
Views: 1,834

Paul Provenza - Stupid People

Everything in our society goes to the lowest common denominator.

Tags: Paul Provenza (15), books (748), The A-List (491)

Posted: 02/24/92
Views: 394

Scott Thompson - Passing

Canadians pass until they have to use "out," "about" or "sorry," then the jig is up.

Tags: Scott Thompson (10), ethnic (814), America (446)

Posted: 05/22/99
Views: 369

Kyle Grooms - Immigrants

Kyle Grooms loves immigrants.

Tags: Kyle Grooms (9), Comedy Central Presents (1821), America (446)

Posted: 01/25/07
Views: 1,050

Katt Williams - Bullies

Katt Williams is proud to be an American.

Tags: Katt Williams (21), America (446), China (196)

Posted: 01/11/08
Views: 110,147

 
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