15 Signs You Drank Too Much | alcohol | Jokes.com

Alcohol Jokes
15 Signs You Drank Too Much
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15 - You spent Sunday night in jail for cow-tipping — with your Oldsmobile.
14 - Although armed with fire extinguishers, friends stood at a safe distance as you blew out your birthday candles.
13 - Thanks to you, Jack Daniels stock is up 15 1/4 since Friday.
12 - Boris Yeltsin called personally to ask you to slow down on the Stoli.
11 - For some reason, there's salt on the rim of your basketball goal.
10 - Your name is Otis and Sheriff Andy has brought you some of Aunt Bea's pancakes.
9 - For the money you spent on Thunderbird, you could've bought the automobile.
8 - You're now the proud inventor of the "Slim Jim": Ultra Slim-Fast shakes made with Jim Beam.
7 - Answering machine full of warnings from Coach Switzer.
6 - Absolut wants to run an ad featuring a picture of your liver in the shape of a bottle.
5 - Yet again, dry cleaner employees greet you with, "Hey, it's Vomit Man!"
4 - The doorman asks for your I.D. just to see how long it'll take you to find your pants.
3 - Your liver, in a fit of pique, leaps out of your abdominal cavity into a pan of frying onions.
2 - Worried friends call Monday morning to make sure you returned the goat. 
1 - You're now sober enough to realize "Drink Canada Dry" is a slogan and not a personal challenge.

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Posted: 10/30/08

Todd Glass - Bouncing College Kids

Todd demonstrates how bar bouncers could handle college kids better.

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Erik Griffin - Drunk People

We went to the DMV! Oh my God!

Tags: Erik Griffin (5), alcohol (496), Live at Gotham (332)

Posted: 04/21/08
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TJ Miller - Blackout Drunk

TJ Miller is blackout drunk.

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Posted: 07/11/08
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Dave Attell - Drinking

Jack Daniels should come with bail money.

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Posted: 07/09/99
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Kristian Vallee - House Music

House music sucks when you're drunk.

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Posted: 11/18/04
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Steve Trilling - Serious Driving Accident

Steve was in a big collision with a drunk guy.

Tags: Steve Trilling (4), alcohol (496), The A-List (491)

Posted: 02/24/92
Views: 1,535

Leo Allen - Confident Drunk

Drinking makes you think you're good at dangerous stuff.

Tags: Leo Allen (18), Comedy Central Presents (1821), alcohol (496)

Posted: 01/24/08
Views: 6,342

Dave Nystrom - Drunk in the Middle of the Day

A brewery tour will get you hammered by 11 a.m.

Tags: Dave Nystrom (4), alcohol (496), observational (334)

Posted: 07/27/06
Views: 1,772

Brian Scolaro - Weight

Brian is not "hospital fat."

Tags: Brian Scolaro (8), Comedy Central Presents (1821), alcohol (496)

Posted: 01/16/09
Views: 10,472

Anthony Jeselnik - Intelligence

Anthony looks for intelligence in a woman.

Tags: Anthony Jeselnik (7), Comedy Central Presents (1821), dating (656)

Posted: 10/22/08
Views: 8,046

 
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