Patton Oswalt Jokes
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Patton Oswalt: If You Make It to 90
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If you can take care
of yourself and make it to 90, starting at age 90, every year, one law no longer applies to you. Now it starts off small: when you turn 90, you can legally litter. You can litter whenever you want to. You just walk up to a cop on your 90th birthday and drop a cheeseburger wrapper: 'Hey guess what today is? Give me a kiss.'
Patton Oswalt - The Big 9-0
If you live to be 90, you get a very special birthday present.
Tags: Patton Oswalt (33), Live at Gotham (332), death (318)
Posted: 08/03/06
Views: 9,589
Tony Daro - Bike Cops
What do bike cops use for protection during a shoot out?
Tags: Tony Daro (2), Two Drink Minimum (293), laws (172)
Posted: 05/20/93
Views: 1,418
Patton Oswalt - Easter Eggs
Brown eggs? That's our little prodigy.
Tags: Patton Oswalt (33), Comedy Central Presents (1821), growing up (453)
Posted: 09/03/99
Views: 1,794
Doug Benson - Fanatics
Hell is on Doug's way, if you need a lift.
Tags: Doug Benson (29), religion (776), imitations (772)
Posted: 02/24/92
Views: 1,234
Juston McKinney - Bad Cop
If you're a cop for a really poor department, bring your own crime scene tape.
Tags: Juston McKinney (5), crime (415), storyteller (263)
Posted: 11/10/04
Views: 2,945
Robert Schimmel - Punch a Shark
It might be kind of awkward if the shark wasn't even going to attack you.
Tags: Robert Schimmel (5), animals (791), The A-List (491)
Posted: 02/24/92
Views: 1,745
Scott Kennedy - A Good Cop
Without the drinking, Scott thinks he'd make a good cop on patrol.
Tags: Scott Kennedy (11), Comedy Central Presents (1821), family (667)
Posted: 06/10/04
Views: 1,130
A.J. Jamal - Driving in L.A.
The diamond lane requires you to have a friend.
Tags: A.J. Jamal (46), money (865), crime (415)
Posted: 05/01/94
Views: 1,709
Eddie Gossling - Toilet Papering
Toilet papering never gets old.
Tags: Eddie Gossling (11), Comedy Central Presents (1821), kids (841)
Posted: 02/19/04
Views: 692
Marc Price - Drinking Age
You don't need to be legal to buy the stuff that's illegal.
Tags: Marc Price (4), drugs (639), parents (525)
Posted: 02/24/92
Views: 217
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