There was a vampire who sucked people's blood for many centuries. God was very angry at the vampire and said to him, "You're going to hell!"
The vampire fell to his knees and said, "God, I beg of you, give me one more chance to be good."
Then the vampire said, ''I want to be light, fluffy, and white like a cloud.''
''That seems easy enough,'' replied God.
''I would also like to have wings like an angel.''
''OK,'' replied God.
Since God had said yes to all his requests, the vampire decided to ask for a very greedy request. ''God, if possible, could you let me suck a little blood?''
''Sure,'' replied God, ''but only once a month.'' And he turned the vampire into a maxi pad with wings.
Gabriel Iglesias: Aloha Fluffy is now available at the Comedy Central Shop.