Two boys are playing football in Central Park when one is attacked by a rabid rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips a board off of a nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck.
A reporter strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.
"Young Giants Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he writes in his notebook.
"But I'm not a Giants fan," the little hero replies.
"Sorry, since we are in New York, I just assumed you were," says the reporter.
"Little Jets Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack," he writes in his notebook.
"I'm not a Jets fan either," the boy says.
"I assumed everyone in New York was either for the Giants or Jets. What team do you root for?" the reporter asks.
"I'm a Cowboys fan," the child says.
The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Little Redneck Maniac Kills Beloved Family Pet".
Gabriel Iglesias: Aloha Fluffy is now available at the Comedy Central Shop.