There was an old couple who hadn't celebrated Halloween in a long time, so they decided to dress up and go out. The old woman went in her bedroom, stripped naked, and tied a string between her legs with a lemon at the end of the string. When she walked out of the room her husband yelled, "You can't go out like that!"
"I can go out as whatever I want and so can you!"
The man agreed and went into his room. Soon he came out naked with a string tied to his penis and a potato at the end of the string.
The woman said, "You're going out as that?"
''Yes,'' said the old man. ''If you can go out as a sourpuss, I can go out as a dicktator."
Gabriel Iglesias: Aloha Fluffy is now available at the Comedy Central Shop.