1. Your dog rather rub up against the wall than have you pet it.
2. All the numbers in your little black book start with "1-900."
3. Due to excessive hazing and ridicule, you decided to drop out of the Origami Club.
4. You were almost involved in a threesome, but your left hand fell asleep.
5. Fantasizing out loud before falling asleep is your idea of "pillow talk."
6. Your personal ad reads: "Seeking Anybody."
7. Next to your name in the phone directory, the phone number is replaced with the phrase "Who cares?"
8. You look forward to the dinner time calls from telemarketers.
9. The last time you were invited to a party, you were grooving to the lyric, "Put your right foot in, take your right foot out."
10. You spent last summer following around the 2000 Bible Belt Trekkie Convention Tour.
Gabriel Iglesias: Aloha Fluffy is now available at the Comedy Central Shop.