Little Red Riding Hood was packing her things. Her mother asked, "Where are you going, Lil' Red?"
Red said, "To grandma's."
Her mother said, "Okay, but watch out for the Big Bad Wolf. He'll pull up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and freak your little red socks off."
Lil' Red replied, "Don't worry, I've got a gun."
So about a mile down the road, Lil' Red met the Three Little Pigs. They asked where she was going and she said, "Grandma's house."
The Pigs warned, "Watch out for the Big Bad Wolf. He'll pull up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and freak your little red socks off!"
She told them, "Don't worry, I've got a gun."
About two more miles down the road, the Big Bad Wolf leapt out of the forest and grabbed Lil' Red. He shouted "Ha! I finally caught you!"
And she cried, "Don't tell me you're gonna pull up my little red dress, pull down my little red panties and freak my little red socks off."
"Yes I am," said the Wolf, drooling.
"No, you ain't," said Little Red.
"What do you mean," said the Wolf, taken aback.
Lil' Red pulled up her little red dress, pulled down her little red panties, pulled out her big silver gun and said, "Nope, you're gonna eat me like it says in the book."
Gabriel Iglesias: Aloha Fluffy is now available at the Comedy Central Shop.