No, really, I'm OK to drive.
-- I'm wasted, but I'm too embarrassed to have anybody see who I'm taking home with me.
"I'm not used to these darts."
-- I'm not used to throwing anything smaller than a pool cue when I'm this bombed.
"You get this one, next round is on me."
-- One of us is going to pass out before it's time for another round.
"I've had like 10 beers already."
-- I've only had three beers, but I need an excuse to behave this way.
"I'm out of here. I have to work in the morning."
-- I owe $100 to the guy who just walked in the door and I've been avoiding him since football season.
"What do you have on tap?"
-- What's cheap?
Gabriel Iglesias: Aloha Fluffy is now available at the Comedy Central Shop.