Question - What is the difference between a liberal and a puppy?
Answer - A puppy stops whining after it grows up.
Question - What is the only thing worse than an incompetent liberal President?
Answer - A competent liberal President.
Question - Why do the male members of the Kennedy family cry while having sex?
Answer - Mace.
Question - Who was the first liberal Democrat?
Answer - Christopher Columbus. He left not knowing where he was going, got there not knowing where he was, left not knowing where he'd been and did it all on borrowed money.
Liberals are like seagulls: all they do is squawk, eat crap, and they are protected by the government.
Gabriel Iglesias: Aloha Fluffy is now available at the Comedy Central Shop.