An executive had to get rid of one member of his staff. He couldn't decide between Mary and Jack: both had equal seniority and qualifications. Unable to choose, he finally decided that whoever used the water fountain first would be let go.
The next morning, Mary came with a hangover. She went to the water fountain so she could take some aspirin.
The executive approached her: "Mary, this is difficult, but I have to lay you or Jack off."
Mary replied, "Then you'll have to jack off. I have a hell of a headache."
Gabriel Iglesias: Aloha Fluffy is now available at the Comedy Central Shop.