-- Hallmark would make "Sorry I don't remember your name" cards.
-- If your girlfriend really needs to talk to you during the game, she'll appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
-- A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time," would complete a break up.
-- Birth control would come in ale or lager.
-- Instead of an engagement ring, you could surprise your fiance with a giant "You're #1!" foam hand.
-- Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th, so it would only occur in leap years.
Gabriel Iglesias: Aloha Fluffy is now available at the Comedy Central Shop.