Taoism: Shit happens.
Buddhism: If shit happens, it's not really shit.
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
Confusianism: Confucius says: shit happens
Islam: If shit happens, take a hostage.
Protestantism: Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Catholicism: Shit happens because you're bad.
Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us?
Hare Krishna: Shit happens rama rama.
TV Evangalism: Send more shit.
Atheism: No shit.
Hedonism: There's nothing like a good shit happening.
Jehovahs Witness: Knock, knock, shit happens.
Christian Science: Shit happens in your mind.
Agnosticism: Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.
Stoicism: This shit doesn't bother me
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit.
Gabriel Iglesias: Aloha Fluffy is now available at the Comedy Central Shop.