How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!
What's the definition of a teenager?
God's punishment for enjoying sex.
Hear the slogan for the Stealth Condom?
They'll never see you coming.
What do you call kinky sex with chocolate?
What does Kodak film have in common with condoms?
Both capture the moment.
A guy who likes to eat, drink, and be Mary!
Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each other's shoulders?
A scrotum pole!
What's the ultimate in rejection?
When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
Why don't debutantes go to orgies?
There'd be too many thank-you notes to write.
What did the Indian say when the white man tied his penis in a knot?
What is every Amish woman's private fantasy?
Why is sex like a game of bridge?
If you have a good hand, you don't need a partner.
Can you say three two-letter words that denote small?
Is it in?
What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A bingo machine.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One... Men will screw anything.
Gabriel Iglesias: Aloha Fluffy is now available at the Comedy Central Shop.