13> Driving your fellow Congressman into the turnbuckle now considered acceptable method of ending a filibuster.
12> President now shouts entire State of the Union address with his face 18 inches from TV camera.
11> IRS audit replaced by more efficient reverse body slam onto enema.
10> Government becomes a charade of meaningless noises and lots of posturing by a bunch of inarticulate losers with no class or manners-- Hey, wait a minute...
9> Free school lunches destined for the needy instead go to the biggest, meanest, stupidest kid in each school.
8> Sex scandals now involve even skankier women.
7> January 20: Inauguration ceremonies January 21: FDA approves over-the-counter sale of steroids.
6> Newt Gingrich is finally able to wear his mask and cape out of the house.
5> During House debate, it is acceptable to yield to the gentleman wielding a folding chair.
4> Difficult finding interns willing to accommodate an entire pouch of Skoal.
3> Strom Thurmond *finally* removed by The Undertaker.
2> Line to bodyslam Ken Starr winds around Lincoln Memorial.
1> Before: Mr. Vice President After: Stone Cold Cheney
Gabriel Iglesias: Aloha Fluffy is now available at the Comedy Central Shop.